FECKLESS CAT OFFERS MAIDS NEW CONTRACTS IN NEW YORK, CALIFORNIA

Feckless the Cat -- international criminal cat wanted in 22 countries -- thought he knew how easy hiring household help was by May of 2011. Pre-Approved had the better idea, though. It was simple, modern and the marketing cheap. He had the advert ready:

DON'T WORK FOR TODAY'S MOVIE STARS, POLITICIANS AND INTERNATIONAL FINANCE GUYS WITHOUT THE PROTECTIONS YOU NEED. WORK AS A MAID FOR FECKLESS FELINE ENTERPRISES, GET FREE LEGAL COVERAGE BEFORE YOU WIPE FIRST TOILET; SAVE THOUSANDS, IF NOT MILLIONS:

MY SIGNATURE X_______________________

MY BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER X____________________

THE DATE X_________________________



"That's all there is to it, Pre-Approved?" asked Feckless.

"Pretty much, Feckless. We'll have'm begging to clean our spots!" said Pre-Approved, grooming his paw lazily. "Maid's have had enough, you know. New York, California, wherever."

"Brilliant, Pre-Approved. Just brilliant. You're going to be the loan.meow for 2012. Just watch. It's going to be a new world. Our world!"

Check out my other blogs:

bayarealurene.blogspot
bayarealureneb.blogspot
fecklesspreapproved.blogspot
unbelievableanimalstories.blogspot
risksinreporting.blogspot
genesisoutline.blogspot

PRE-APPROVED CAT'S HALLOWEEN SCAM NETS MILLIONS

Feckless the Cat -- international criminal cat wanted in 22 countries -- thought he knew how easy theft was by October of 2009. Pre-Approved had the better idea for Halloween, though. It was so simple, the marketing so cheap.

It was a simple sheet of paper with picture of cat spying on loan applicant at window. It read:

DON'T BE FOOLED BY THOSE NOVEMBER 1 STOCK AND BOND SCAMS THAT ARE ON THEIR WAY TO YOUR MAILBOX IN TRIPLICATE RIGHT NOW. SCARE THEM OFF TONIGHT!! INTEREST RATES WILL RISE IN NOVEMBER. OCTOBER 31 IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO SIGN HERE, SAVE THOUSANDS, IF NOT MILLIONS:

MY SIGNATURE X_______________________

MY BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER X____________________

THE DATE X_________________________



"That's all there is to it, Pre-Approved?" asked Feckless.

"Pretty much, Feckless. It's the dog-eared trick for treats. People see the word SAVE and see the line SIGN. It's a spell. Been going on longer than the witches 'been burning in Salem. Happy Halloween!!" said Pre-Approved, grooming his paw lazily.

"But what are they saving on? What's the product?" asked Feckless.

"More stuff they don't need. When they figure it out -- if they figure it out -- they're defaulting, can't pay, and we get bailed out."

"Brilliant, Pre-Approved. Just brilliant. You're going to be the loan.meow for 2010. Just watch. It's going to be a new world. Our world!"




Check out my other blogs:

bayarealurene.blogspot
bayarealureneb.blogspot
fecklesspreapproved.blogspot
unbelievableanimalstories.blogspot
baghdadiproposal.blogspot
risksinreporting.blogspot
genesisoutline.blogspot
mobiloilnigeriaman.blogspot
northbeachman.blogspot
blackholeeconomics.blogspot

SPOT THE DOG GETS FUR BURNED PLAYING MONOPOLY....AGAIN

Spot the dog knew the game was looking bad tonight. He got together with the other neighborhood dogs for the Wednesday night Monopoly game, but he was scared. In horror, he drew his card and saw the awful words:

GO TO DOG SHELTER. GO DIRECTLY TO DOG SHELTER. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200

Spot hung his ears in shame, slowly got up, and walked back home as the other pets laughed at him. “Told ya not to play Monopoly Spot. Told ya not to play Monopoly Spot. Told ya not to play Monopoly Spot. Told ya….” said the parrot. He was always right and said so to anyone who would listen because he knew they didn’t have a choice, anyway.

But one day, Spot would return for vengeance against them all…

--30--

CUT AND PASTE CATS TOSS FRAUD SALAD IN FINANCIAL DISTRICT

Criminal Cats Cut and Paste sometimes took an hour off for lunch downtown in San Francisco. Today, they'd toss a Fraud Salad. It was their favorite to serve guests.

"Paw me over the Hedgefund Lettuce to start, Cut dear," said Paste Cat.

"Here you are, Paste. Need some Percentage Points? They look wonderful in a tossed dish like this, you know," said Cut.

"What've we got on the table?"

"Uh...6.7%, 4.4%, .09%..."

"Mmmm, okay. Why not? Crunchy. How about we throw in some Oil Futures? No salad's complete without speculation to delight the diner," said Paste.

"We've got Oil, but no Futures," said Cut.

"Oh, wrong table. Okay, let's finish the dish with a little TARP spice and fine Warrant White Wine," said Paste. "Bank Cat loves that flavor."

"Okay. I'll fetch the European Commercial Paper napkins," said Cut.

"Oh, Cut, I don't want those laying around the table while everyone's trying to relax," said Paste.

"Oh, no, no. We'll resell them in Chinatown around 7 a.m.," said Cut. "I know what I'm doing in this kitchen."

by lurene gisee
june 11, 2009
SF SPCA cats for adoption for real!

donate $5 to maintain this satire blog today with PayPal icon above

THE ZODIAC KITTY TERRORIZES MARKET STREET IN SAN FRANCISCO WITH NOTES...AS IN, THE PROMISSORY KIND

Cut and Paste Cats, the feline con artists and forgers of San Francisco's Financial District, had a new gig. They sat in a dark alley off Market Street hurriedly cutting and pasting letters from that day's newspapers to send out new threats.

NOBODY COMPLAINS BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHO TO CALL. NOBODY BELIEVES THEM AT THE SEC TODAY BECAUSE NOBODY BELIEVES IN THE SEC.

REGULAR THIEVES WASTE THEIR TIME ON CRIME THAT'S SO BACKWARD IT'S STILL ILLEGAL. NOT ME. THE HOLDER OF THIS NOTE -- YOU -- WILL PAY. I DON'T WASTE TIME IN THEFT AND BLACKMAIL. I GET RIGHT TO IT.

tHe ZOdiAC KittY


PAY NOW.

The criminal cats sent their booty to the bank and waited for money from their terrorized victims, or at least victims too embarassed to go to the police.

by lurene gisee
june 11, 2009
360-752-6581
SF SPCA cats for adoption are shown. PayPal donations of $5 for blog upkeep only.

NO MONEY DOWN CAT FINDS PERFECT TOY FOR PASTE CAT IN SF FINANCIAL DISTRICT

Still in San Francisco's Dreamy Financial District, No Money Down Cat decided to scam Paste Cat's money. She found the cat "Laser" button on her fraud-filled, diamond collar. She'd just picked it up at North Beach Pet Supplies.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty....here Paste!" she said teasingly.

She twirled its green, bright light on the pavement, turned it off and on. Paste Cat chased and clawed at the uncatchable light. Why?

Because it was a green light in the shape of a U.S. DOLLAR SIGN! Other buttons on the new cat collar could display a big kitty house in Pacific Heights, fresh Fillmore fish, mice on Montgomery holding ripe muni bonds.

"Get it, Pssssste! Get it, get it, get it!" said No Money Down.

Off and On, Round and Round, Dollars, Fish, Scratch Pads, Big Stocks, Lost Mice, Plane Tickets....

"Get it now, kitty! Get it now!" said No Money Down Cat.

by Lurene Gisee
June 3, 2009
Donate $5 to Support Blog by Lurene today!

(photo of kitty from SF SPCA adoption center)

SPOT QUITS PLAYING MONOPOLY, EXPLORES NEW, CRIMINAL OCCUPATIONS

Spot the dog quit trying to win board games with his neighbors in San Francisco's shadowy Financial District. His off-and-on friend, Seed Money Parrot, wondered what the humble Fox Terrier now did for his bones in life.

"We've been missing you weekends, Spot. Monopoly's getting 'little routine without a regular loser like you at the table. What are you doing now?" asked Seed Money loudly, so everyone on the street could overhear.

"Dealing Cheerios on Montgomery, dude. Cheap pipelines, no hassles with New York. Boys on Sansome Street quiet, too," Spot answered, narrowing his canine eyes like the clever opportunist he ...increasingly...was.

"They don't know this new market like I do. Gotta poop papers close-style to know this town like me, Cage Breath," said a new, more confident Spot dog.

- May 17, 2009 Lurene Gisee --