Thursday, June 11, 2009
Criminal Cats Cut and Paste sometimes took an hour off for lunch downtown in San Francisco. Today, they'd toss a Fraud Salad. It was their favorite to serve guests.
"Paw me over the Hedgefund Lettuce to start, Cut dear," said Paste Cat.
"Here you are, Paste. Need some Percentage Points? They look wonderful in a tossed dish like this, you know," said Cut.
"What've we got on the table?"
"Uh...6.7%, 4.4%, .09%..."
"Mmmm, okay. Why not? Crunchy. How about we throw in some Oil Futures? No salad's complete without speculation to delight the diner," said Paste.
"We've got Oil, but no Futures," said Cut.
"Oh, wrong table. Okay, let's finish the dish with a little TARP spice and fine Warrant White Wine," said Paste. "Bank Cat loves that flavor."
"Okay. I'll fetch the European Commercial Paper napkins," said Cut.
"Oh, Cut, I don't want those laying around the table while everyone's trying to relax," said Paste.
"Oh, no, no. We'll resell them in Chinatown around 7 a.m.," said Cut. "I know what I'm doing in this kitchen."
by lurene gisee
june 11, 2009
SF SPCA cats for adoption for real!
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Cut and Paste Cats, the feline con artists and forgers of San Francisco's Financial District, had a new gig. They sat in a dark alley off Market Street hurriedly cutting and pasting letters from that day's newspapers to send out new threats.
NOBODY COMPLAINS BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHO TO CALL. NOBODY BELIEVES THEM AT THE SEC TODAY BECAUSE NOBODY BELIEVES IN THE SEC.
REGULAR THIEVES WASTE THEIR TIME ON CRIME THAT'S SO BACKWARD IT'S STILL ILLEGAL. NOT ME. THE HOLDER OF THIS NOTE -- YOU -- WILL PAY. I DON'T WASTE TIME IN THEFT AND BLACKMAIL. I GET RIGHT TO IT.
tHe ZOdiAC KittY
The criminal cats sent their booty to the bank and waited for money from their terrorized victims, or at least victims too embarassed to go to the police.
by lurene gisee
june 11, 2009
SF SPCA cats for adoption are shown. PayPal donations of $5 for blog upkeep only.
Posted by Lurene Gisee at 11:38 AM
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Still in San Francisco's Dreamy Financial District, No Money Down Cat decided to scam Paste Cat's money. She found the cat "Laser" button on her fraud-filled, diamond collar. She'd just picked it up at North Beach Pet Supplies.
"Here kitty, kitty, kitty....here Paste!" she said teasingly.
She twirled its green, bright light on the pavement, turned it off and on. Paste Cat chased and clawed at the uncatchable light. Why?
Because it was a green light in the shape of a U.S. DOLLAR SIGN! Other buttons on the new cat collar could display a big kitty house in Pacific Heights, fresh Fillmore fish, mice on Montgomery holding ripe muni bonds.
"Get it, Pssssste! Get it, get it, get it!" said No Money Down.
Off and On, Round and Round, Dollars, Fish, Scratch Pads, Big Stocks, Lost Mice, Plane Tickets....
"Get it now, kitty! Get it now!" said No Money Down Cat.
by Lurene Gisee
June 3, 2009
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(photo of kitty from SF SPCA adoption center)